I Want A Blast From The Past

I haven't written on this thing in a while.
Things are changing dramatically, out of my hands.
I'm just flowing with the go here.
...
Baby, I Roll Up.
This song's been in my head playing over and over.
I don't know why, I just really like the song.
It puts me in a good mood.
I like the tune of it.

I keep thinking about highschool memories,
the GOOD ones.
If high school didn't have any drama, I'd go back.
Because I miss the family environment.
I miss being with people I've known long enough to trust.
I just miss all my friends I'd see on a daily basis.
I miss it so much.

Words Left Unspoken

It sucks when the one person, you have full faith in, lets you down in a time you swore they never would.
They put you second like they promised they wouldn't do again.
And leave you crying in the arms of your boyfriend on a night they told you was yours.
...and an hour later, my boyfriend convinced me to swallow whatever lump was in my throat,
and carry on with my night.

Because my best friend let go of my hand.

Before Class On A Thursday

I have never had a guy love me so much.
I have never trusted a guy with completely everything.
THIS is what it feels like when someone truly loves you.
I am so in love with this boy.

Life is good.
Birthday just passed, had a great birthday!
Celebration isn't over.
SANTA MONICAAAA -Apr 22/23 :D
With my best friend, her boy,
And my Marlon Leano<3
I'm excited, I wanna have so much fun.
I need a vacation.
I'm so tired of work!
Ah, I need to shower for school now :)

Just A Quick Blurb

I'm laying in my bed.
I should take a small, ten minute nap before Marlo comes here.
He's been amazing.
We're going to go get food before I go to work.
My eyes are so dry/blah. They've been making me sleepy.
Or at least feel sleepy.
I'll ask him to put eye drops in.
I think I want panda express, that's probably what I'll get.
Or Sarku Japan..hmmm..I'll see.
I want that apartment with Kassie.
All kinds of homo--> I want to come home to her!
After a long, hard day, I just want to sit on a couch and just vent to her.
Or have her vent to me.
Life's already busy as it is, and its cutting time spent with her.
Among other people as well, but this is kassie we're talking about.
I want that apartment, I want it.
It'll come.



...
I'm sleepy :/

Off To Sleep Is Where I Wake Up

Off of work.
Life at home is nothing new.
Tomorrow, I'm cashing my check and running errands that I'm sure I have.
I just can't think of them right now.
I think I might finish up my spanish lessons, or at least do a couple.
Then go to sleep.

Today... was.

Quick Thought Before The Shower Devours Me Whole

I have never in my life had this before...
Feeling for someone who feels even more for me.

I don't know time frames for adult relationships at all...
So i'll just go by my time frame and see how things take course.

I want that apartment with kassandra michelle latham already.
I want it now...
Ah, these next few months...

Its Gonna Come Down To It

'You know I love you, but I just can't take this.
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps.
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this.
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep' -lyrics

It will take an army to make me let go of your hand.
And I'll hold it until that day comes.

I just wanted to feel the water,
...and I fell too deep.

Once Upon A Work Night

"I missed you more"
"Can I go with you? Wanna drop your car off at home then I'll take you?"
"...wait, I wanna make sure you get in safely" ('really its okay') "Stop, just let me do this, I wanna make sure you're in safe"
"I'm really glad I got to see you tonight baby"
kiss on the hand, kiss on the cheek.

unexpected; makes it ten times better.
oh, serendipity<3

My Day's Closing Ramble

It is now 1am.
I feel horrible that I didn't do anything for Tyler's birthday.
Its not like me to just let it slide by,
but truth be told, I didn't know it was ALREADY the 25th of January.
...ah, I'm trying to shake this feeling.
But we've grown apart, and grown up for that matter.
I'm an adult, well, taking my first few steps.
And I think only people who are my age and are under the circumstances I'm under,
can truly understand what it means to have no time to do anything extra in your day.

Today,
I woke up, got dressed and headed to Kassie's to print out my homework.
My printer failed me. And Kassie? Well she's a god send, on top of being my best friend of course.
Well then I headed to school, picking up a quick bite to eat on the way.
Went to spanish, took the small 15 break I had to talk to Kass, then headed to Communications.
Got out of communications thirty minutes early.
SO, I went to the book store and finally bought the stupid $115 book for the class, ah.
I had to go to walmart to buy a binder and post it notes as well.
School. School. School.
Afterwards, I went to T-Shirt Outlet to look for new work pants, I bleached mine :/
Unsuccessful, so I left to Work World in the mall that Kassie suggested.
Success. I need to get my pants altered a little bit though, oh well.
What did I do next? What I do every day...
WORK.
4-10 today, had a wonderful break with mi novio.
when i got off, i changed there and headed straight to the gym.
Thee boyfriend was waiting there for me.
I did my run while he did his workouts.
We met up and he worked out my abs... It was a good workout I must say.
Then sat in the sauna, all this while we're talking and such.
I got home maybe 20 mins ago?
Its foggy.
I'm sleepy too, so I'll probably sleep.
I'll probably wake up, say, 8:30? Just to get things situated for school.
I'm all over the place in this messy room.
I realized I never really have time to just sit in my room.
I always have something to do.
Its a love-hate feeling I have for it.
I got two days off this week... I was pretty bothered by it.
As a matter of fact, I was pretty burnt.
I don't want two days off. And even worse, they're back to back.
I'm going to feel so off haha. I decided tomorrow though I'm not going to the gym. I'll just eat healthy. It'll be a long day for me tomorrow.
i'll wake up, get stuff situated for school, head to school, stay there until 2:25 then head straight to work at 3, and work until 10. Long, long day.
Anyway I'm pretty tired and should get some rest.
And just wanted to point out, I said Kassie's name three times in this blog.
...sounds about right :)

Gooooooodnight.

Independency

You are still near
:)

Just When I, I Start To Think They're Right, That Love Has Died

There you go making my heart beat again,
heart beat again, heart beat again.
There you go making me feel like a kid.
Won't you do it, do it one time.
There you go pulling me right back in,
right back in, right back in,
and I know, I'm never letting this go.
I'm stuck on you.

Can't Pretend Forever

Sometimes moving on is your choice.
Its a choice forced upon yourself, by yourself.
I know what choice I'm going to make,
its not one I want to make.
Well...in the long run it is.
For the short run, not so much.
It's hard to give up something you genuinely like,
something you enjoy day by day...
its hard to give it up because of the inevitable.
In highschool, lets face it, we all never REALLY thought about the reality-based future.
I'm 18 years old, a college kid with an undeclared major.
Thats one thing I still need to figure out.
Not to mention, college expenses.
Which my job also falls under, considering I want to keep the hours I've been getting,
while maintaining a good GPA and stressless mind.
I want to get somewhere, I'm not going to be stuck in bakersfield forever.
I could've went to a University or State if I truly wanted to.
But truth be told, it's expensive and I haven't found my passion yet.
My reason for leaving would've simply been just because I want to leave.
And I'm not gonna cast thousands of dollars of loans upon myself just because I want to leave town.
Thats living for the short run, and debting for the long run.
And if I were completely sure about anything in life, it'd be that I stay thinking ahead.
...
and im brought back to my initial point of this blog.
I'm not letting go. I don't want to call it that.
I'm moving on.
It was a fun experience, that I'd like to keep.
Oh boy would I like to keep him around.
But its not the same, it doesn't feel the same, it doesn't feel right.
...but more importantly,
it doesn't make sense.
I want to be independent again.

Let It Be Known

Quick Note: "It went by so fast"-Boyf
Today, well technically yesterday,
was a good day. First one in quite thee few days I should say.

However, I'd like to take time though, to recognize love to the one I can never stop talking about,
the one that knows me through and through,
the one that is top priority of ALL my relationships...
my best friend Kassandra Michelle Latham
I can honestly say I have never in my life had a friend like her.
And I thank God everyday for blessing me with the opportunity to be her friend.
And I just hope that I'm as good of a friend to her as she is to me.

Call it kass...AKH :,)

I Think Friendship Isn't Found, Its Created

Tears were definitely the crummiest good morning to experience.
For someone to make you cry that early, is ridiculous.
The morning time hits your subconscious &sets the tone for the whole day.

So tonight, I went to walmart with a coworker, well... friend. Even though we worked and talked all day together haha.
We're so alike its crazy.
We butt heads &have the same freakin habits.
Thats why we bond soo easily.
Also, I noticed a lot that she's THERE to talk to about anything.
I didn't see it until now,
but we're becoming good friends,
who bicker like sisters and bond like cousins.
She tells me deep things, things you really only talk about with certain people.
I've come to realize I tell her almost everything too.
She KNOWS when somethings wrong, I can't freakin hide anything for the life of me from her.
She kept me sane all day today.
&I gladly thank her :)