Chromosomes.

It must be easy being a guy.
With a world that isn't weighed down by feelings.
With a day not filled with hope.
& a heart not filled with faith.
Girls are made to be broken.

What It Comes To

Remember when love was enough?

Once Upon A Time Will Life Ever Be Simple

Silly children, juggling words like forever.
Thriving off lies like love.
And growing away from what they'll soon miss so dearly.
Oh, childhood...

A Night Of Stories

I had too many dreams with too much meaning last night.
I feel overwhelmed.
Well, the first one was good.
I was at work, my second job.
One of the co-workers & I were having our little moments that I usually spend the rest of the day replaying back in my head.
Then it switched, and I had a reoccurring dream.
I've had this dream, I wanna say, 5 times before?
It's about my grandma.
They somehow brought her back to life & I knew about it.
She was brought back to life for a few months,
and when she was right back to her deathbed,
I'd look at her and cry.
Because I didn't spend as much time as I should've with her.
Even given a second chance at life with her in it, I didn't take full advantage of it.
And I felt like a horrible person.
I felt like I let her, God and myself down.
And in these dreams, I'm always crying. I always wake up crying.
Last night's dream, I was rubbing the side of my grandma's face,
combing her hair behind her ears with my hands.
And all she'd say is "Its okay baby"
...I woke up and wiped my face off. Got a drink of water & fell back asleep.
So my mind drifts off into a different area of my life.
In this one, my ex calls me.
I don't know why I answered him, but then again I don't know why I ever have before either.
So I answer, he finds his way passed my short words & obvious attitude,
like he always does.
Its our history that allows him to do that.
And its my mind that doesn't let him get far.
He told me to come to Las Vegas that weekend.
He said "My girlfriend Caitlyn is okay with it"
That bothered me, and I told him I wasn't gonna go.
I was sitting on the corner of my old old old house off of Rocky Road Ave.
All I could think about was how much I hate what he did to me emotionally.
And how the places I'm in are too routine sometimes.
I woke up, Pluto was licking my cheek.
Cats have rough tongues.

I'm gonna get ready for work, Panda Wok.
Today is my last day on the job.
I call it the second big move I made for myself.
Life is so weird.

I Ditched Earth Today.

Everything bothers me at this point.
It's as if I'm coming down from a natural high.
It's as if all I've been excited for lost its flame,
and now I just want to lay down and pretend I don't know how to dream.

Today, I was absent from the world.
I felt no belonging to anywhere.
Everything I liked about myself hit the floor,
take every mirror away from me.

I'm not even hungry.
And to top it off, I'm home alone right now.
Maybe its what I need.
or maybe its routine that's driving me crazy.
Maybe its everything I want to fix but can't.

I'm hoping maybe it's pms.

Fresh

I've learned alot about myself.
Nowhere near enough though.
With everything I've been through,
I still don't know what I want.
I just know more of what I don't want.

I don't know if I want a boyfriend.
And I don't know if I don't want one.
I just don't know.
I'm not even dating, I've been single for almost year now.
I've never felt so free, full of any decisions I can choose to make.
It's a different feeling.
Having feelings for absolutely no one.

I'm very independent and what I want most is to be getting somewhere.

Weekend Fun

This weekend has been a busy and different one.
I realized how much I missed Hannah!
And I discovered how completely twisted the makers of Saw movies have to be.
I have work 11-3 then 4-8 today.
With 4 hours of sleep, I hope I'm up for it.
I get paid tomorrow from Panda Wok.
What I'm really waiting for is my Wienerschnitzel one on the fifth!
Idk, I'm sitting on my couch.
And felt like blogging really quick before going off to work.

Now, I'm leaving.
:)