Where's The Rest Stop

Ive decided that, I never know what the heck I want for longer than 3 days.
I don't know what that means or what that makes me.
Really, I know what I want in the long run.
It's just these stupid little situations that leave me wanting to come to a full stop,
and say "Really, where the fuck am I going with this..."
I know where I want to go, but I feel like I'm trying to get to New York in a car I've never driven before.
And I'm given no direction because the map I once followed led me straight into a sort of sin driven hell of a relationship.
So, I'm driving cautiously trying keep up with traffic &stay within the speed limit.
Not knowing where I'm going, but knowing where I want to end up.
Aye, aye, aye.
LIFE.

18 Years, &Oh If I Could Count The Lessons I've Learned

So its the first time I actually have 4 hours of time to kill.
I woke up early today to clean the garage with my parents &brother. My cousin Kayla spent the night, so she was asleep since it was so early. I just got back from the hospital. My Aunt Judy is going to be okay, thank god.
Its weird how everything turns out,
&how I'll look back at the most recent post of mine &think about how its all different now.
That recent goodbye, I guess was a see you later.
I won't delete that post, considering I WAS saying goodbye.
I was done, it was it.
But,
an apology, a note, flowers, face to face talk...
I guess I need more perspective than I was given, or than I was letting myself see.
Everything I figured on his end of the situation was completely off.
I assumed nowhere near close of what he actually felt.
Lesson learned, don't jump to conclusions.
&be thankful to have a boy determined enough to catch you when you come down from your leap.
&even more thankful to have a best friend to stick it out with you when you think you've really hit ground.

My Last Sigh

And when it all turns to dust, I remember I'm the one still standing.
I forget why I held on and remember why I let go.
Yes, I'm let down. Majorly let down.
He was something different, something nice, something that seemed promising.
So he, in turn, was very special to me.
There'll be more guys that'll have their different effects on me I'm sure...
But in a month and a half's duration of time,
He showed me things and feelings and actions I wasn't used to.
Day by day, they became familiar and felt right.
Right enough for me to trust again without question,
and have faith without reason.
As fast as it all came back, I let it go.
Thats one thing I've learned; do what you think is right no matter how much it hurts.
Oh, it hurt. Boy, does it still do.
I think I got my closure tonight, and I think I can move on now without hard feelings.
But more importantly, I can simply, move on.
It was a fun ride, Punkface.
This is my goodbye to you.
Love, GoofyGoober

I'm Stuck On You

And even if this turns up into nothing,
I'll be glad to know that we were at least something.
I can't remember the last time I felt this way.
I guess I've just tamed my mind into never letting a boy's actions reach passed my eyes.
Something about you fascinated me,
drew me closer,
&left me more than open to anything you had to offer.
You're different from every guy I've taken notice of,
from each guy I've given attention to,
&from any guy I imagined to be "my type".
You're the last thing I would've shot for,
And the effort I put forth into getting me to exactly where I am now with you, is unbelieveable.
After everything I've been through before, yes, I am scared.
But for some crazy reason, I find you worth the risk.
Even if its amounts to nothing.
Even if I end up hurt at the end.
Even if what ever the worst could be happens.
We were something.

Unpredictable

So here we go again.
I want to be more than friends.
With every day that passes,
I learn more about you.
I learn more of your good &bad.
&with every passing flaw, I find ten things I like about you.
I like being around you.
No matter the occasion.
Pride aside, I like you.

I'm on another one of the trips I always swear to myself I won't be on.
I'm just taking each day as it comes.
&life right now, is good :)